Love these guys!

I couldn't resist a picture of these three playing basketball together. Three men I love.

Naptime Cuddles

Who needs a teddy bear when you can cuddle with a golf club for nap time?

What do you want to watch?

We get home from church and this conversation took place.

Chris: Do you want to watch a movie or golf?
Cooper: Golf!

Ogden LDS Temple Open House

I keep trying to write this blog post and can't quite get it worded the way I want. To say temples are important to us and our religion seems like an understatement. We believe in eternal families and that means more to me now than it ever has. With our little one on the way, we don't know how long he will be on this earth with us, but because Chris and I were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity, instead of until death do us part, by the power of the holy priesthood, we know that our family is forever. Having this knowledge means so much to us. Being able to walk through the temple today with my mom, brother, and Cooper made it that much more special. They are all people who mean so much to Chris and I. I feel blessed to know that we will be a family forever. We will see each other again after this life. What a wonderful Heavenly Father to bless us with something so sacred, special, and meaningful. The Ogden Temple is GORGEOUS inside and out. I look forward to participate in ordinances for those who have past when it opens to give them the chance of making their family eternal.

Mom & Son Time

Cooper and I stayed home while Chris went and enjoyed some time with his family during cousins camp. We had probably a little too much fun. We drank out of the same cup, with different straws, and Cooper thought that was the coolest thing. Then we watched a movie and had cookies. It was fun mommy and son time.

Naked Bum

This little guy kept taking his diaper off this morning. I don't know why, but he kept doing it over and over again. I was editing a photo shoot and I think he may have wanted my attention. I couldn't resist the photo op.

Daddy's Birthday

We celebrated Daddy's birthday with yummy ice cream from Coldstone. Cooper LOVED it! He is definitely a daddy's boy and a lot like his daddy. I am so glad they have such a great bond annnnnddd a little jealous. I love my boys!

My Little Batman

If you didn't already know, being Batman is exhausting. No worries though, a nap and he'll be fully of crime-fighting energy again!

Quotes That Are Helping Me Through This Trial

{President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, All is Well}
"In our time—when so much of what we desire is so easily within our reach—it is tempting to turn aside or give up whenever the road ahead seems a little bumpy or when the slope tends to rise so steeply before us. In those moments, it might inspire us to reflect on those men, women, and children who did not allow sickness, hardship, pain, and even death to deter them from their chosen path.... The pioneers knew that the things around them did not determine their happiness, but the things within most certainly did. And with that spirit they found happiness in every circumstance and in every trial—even in those trials that reached down and troubled the deep waters of their very souls. 

The pioneers were not supermen and superwomen. They were just like you and me. How often did they wonder if they could go on? They must have asked themselves over and again, “Can I do what I have been asked to do?”

But they pressed on. In faith, one step at a time, they pressed on. They trusted in God and His divine and merciful plan. And they left a legacy that will inspire and strengthen generations to come."


{Richard G. Scott}
"I have never complained because I know it was His will. I have never asked why but rather what is it that He wants me to learn from this experience. I believe that is a good way to face the unpleasant things in our lives, not complaining but thanking the Lord for the trust He places in us when He gives us the opportunity to overcome difficulties.We can do the best we can, but the final outcome is up to Him. We should never complain, when we are living worthily, about what happens in our lives."


{Dieter F. Uchdorft}

"Choose to be grateful, no matter what."

{Mosiah 24:15}
“And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord."

"If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill. The Lord is anxious to lead us to the safety of higher ground." {President Henry B. Eyring}

If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived." {Elder Jeffery R. Holland}

There have also been many Ensign talks I've read. I want to keep track of the things that have provided me with comfort here so I can refer back to them.

Pregnancy at 26 Weeks

I have decided that I don't like being pregnant. It isn't easy on my body and the amount of worry this time around drives me crazy. I have decided my pregnancies are anything but "normal."

• I get progesterone shots every week starting at 16 weeks to help decrease my chances of preterm labor.
• I am Rh Negative so I have to have my blood drawn and a special shot taken at 28 weeks and again after baby is born to prevent my body from fighting the baby off as a foreign object and so it doesn't figure future babies we may have.
• I have to have ultrasounds regularly to check my cervical length to check for preterm labor and incompetent cervix.
• First child came 3 months early, this child is going to be born with a heart defect.
• I can't have cute baby pictures taken of my babies when born or take them home to show off to the world.
• I have to have c-sections to have babies.

I am sure I could think of more if I thought long enough. Nevertheless, it is what it is. I LOVE feeling baby move and I love seeing my belly grow, but that's about it. I have tailbone pain from about month three and it only gets worse and worse. Rolling over at night is painful. So, some currents of my pregnancy:

• Baby moving lots! Feeling him at bottom left of stomach and top right by my ribs so he's getting big.
• I waddle like a duck due to my tailbone pain.
• Stretchmarks are showing up more and more. Something difficult for me since I didn't get with Cooper, but also because I am already self conscious about my body. Trying to embrace the change! Just grateful I can have kids.
• Cravings: Carrot cake and Sonic ice water, lots of ice!
• Weight: Gained 10 pounds since my first appointment. I weight more than I have ever weighed. I am hoping it comes off easily because I was already overweight.
• Symptoms: Indigestion in the middle of the night, tailbone pain, very frequent visits to the bathroom, need for daily naps, lack of energy during the day.
• What I miss: being able to do things! I just have no energy or strength.
• What I'm looking forward to: only 10-11 more weeks and no more shots! I also get to meet my adorable baby! 
• Emotions: Most days I'm doing well. I have my moments of uncertainty and weakness. I am trying to stay positive. Very grateful for priesthood blessings.
• Cervix: Doctor says no signs of an incompetent cervix.

I know after our little one gets here that life is going to be hectic and emotional. I am excited to get the ball rolling though. The waiting is very hard since there is nothing we can do right now. And the pain and discomfort I am ready to be done with. So, 10-11 more weeks to go. Praying this little one stays in there that long. So far, it's looking good!

I am so grateful to have the gospel in my life. It has brought me much comfort over the past few weeks. I love being a member of this church.

These Two!

Chris was letting me have some time to myself one night. He gave Cooper a bath and then a snack. They were in the kitchen and I could tell that Cooper had thrown something on the floor (which isn't a surprise lately). Chris yells "Mom, we need your assistance." I make my way up the stairs saying, "What did Cooper do?" Chris says, "It's what WE did." I get to the top of the stairs and can't help but laugh. They were both looking at me like, "Sorry, Mom" with big smiles. They looked so guilty, it was adorable! So, what happened? Cooper went to smack his cup of milk (which didn't have a lid off of it) off of the table. Chris caught it. Well, he sat it back down within arms reach of Cooper still! Cooper swatted it and covered Chris is milk. Chris' first reaction? To throw the remaining milk in Cooper's face. They were both laughing. Cooper's face was covered in peanut butter and milk drops. It was hilarious! I love my boys! Even when they make messes.

Baby Updates

We went for another ultrasound a few days ago and baby is looking good. He is growing great and we were happy to hear that compared to most HLHS diagnosed babies, his left artery is bigger than most. Usually you can barely see it, but they can see his pretty well. That's great. It doesn't seem to mean anything except that his heart isn't having to work near as hard as it may otherwise be. We were just happy to get good news.

Choc-kat

Cooper really likes chocolate. We had a doctor's appointment to get to and this is what I came down to. He had his cup out saying "choc-kat milk." I couldn't help but grab the camera and take a few pictures.

Getting Big!

Feeding the Ducks

We love to go feed the ducks. We do it a couple times a month for family home evening or a little outing. Cooper loves it! I sat down on the bench with the bread and all the ducks came out of the water right to us. Cooper loved it!

Our Little Reader

Cooper is like his Uncle Brandon. He LOVES to read. Every night he goes to bed with a book and a flashlight. We end up going in when he falls asleep and his book is across his, his flashlight on, and he is sound asleep. It's so cute.

4th of July

We went to The Child Family's house for fireworks again this year. Sadly, Cooper HATED the fireworks. They scared him. So, we took turns being in the house with him as he watched a movie and took turns going out to see the fireworks. We had a delicious dinner and has "smorritos" as a dessert. They are "burrito" smores make with a tortilla, bananas, marshmallows, chocolate, etc. So good!

Lagoondocks

We woke up this morning and told Cooper we were going to Lagoon. He kept saying "No. Boondocks. Fire. Golf." He is hilarious! We decided to say we were going to "Lagoondocks." Well, we finally arrived and we had a blast! It was hot, but still enjoyable. We rode the carousel, the train and saw the animals, the roller coaster, the jeeps, and the bumper cars. There were many he didn't want to ride. I loved seeing his smiling face. He LOVED the jeeps and when he saw the bumper cars he went crazy! He was jumping up and down and couldn't wait to get in one! We had a wonderful time. I love little moments like this with Cooper.  I love watching him learn and find things he likes.

Baby #2 Updates

We had another ultrasound this week. Baby's heart does not have fluid on it, which is great. He is also still developing well. Doctor wants to schedule my c-section at 37 weeks. She said most women with the type of c-section I have deliver at 36-38 weeks. They really don't want me to go into labor. Baby is a cutie! I can't wait to meet him. We have also started to put together the nursery. As scary and hard as it is for me, I know we need to do it. We need to figure out a name, but nothing has come to mind yet. Here is Baby at 22 weeks. He had his legs crossed and up over his head when we were taking a look. Little cutie!

Twenty-Two Weeks

Well, we've hit 22 weeks! I'm physically feeling good. I don't get worn out as easily, but when I push too hard, I feel it in my tailbone at night. I can't lay on my back. My appetite has picked up, which has it's pros and cons. Only because now I am gaining weight! I weigh more than I ever have so I'm having to watch that a little more closely. I've only gained about 6 pounds since being pregnant. With Cooper, I never gained. I lost 10 in the first three months and only gained back 8 by the time I had him. I only fit in two outfits now and they are getting tighter and tighter. This dress is getting shorter and shorter in the front because my belly is growing. I feel the baby moving more and more lately. I LOVE that feeling! I love that I can grow a little one inside of me, what a blessing! Chris was able to feel him kick a few days ago. I always love when he can finally feel the little one moving.

I have my ups and downs when it comes to the journey we have ahead of us with this little guy. I have done well the past two days. I am so grateful for the amount of support we have. Life is good.

Our Newest Challenge

When I started this blog, it was with the intentions of writing to Cooper to tell Cooper his story and also to keep myself sane during the experience. Little did I know that 2.5 years later I would be starting the process of sharing our second son's story, a story that is going to be even more difficult, challenging, trying, and faith building than the first.

A week ago on June 9, 2014, we had our 20 week ultrasound. We thought everything went well and then the doctor came in to tell us that our baby had a heart defect. All he told us was an "underdeveloped left ventricle." In our online research, we found there to be only one heart defect with that, hypoplastic left heart syndrome. We have since found out that it is the most rare form of heart disease, but also the worse form. We had a week to sit on it and write down some questions before going to Primary Children's Hospital yesterday, June 17th, 2014. We were still holding on to the hope that it was not what we had read, but it was verified yesterday that our second child does have hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS). We have a very long journey ahead of us. We have a lot of emotions running through us. At this point, we're just hoping to make it full term so this little guy has a chance.

We have been told we could potentially have three options: 1) The most likely being a series of three surgeries over the course of 5 years and depends if his heart is healthy enough to have them done 2) a full heart transplant and 3) to bring him home and let him die at home because his heart isn't healthy enough or if we choose not to do the other two options (though I really don't think we could do this if we had the choice to do option one or two). The hardest part is not knowing if our child will live for a few weeks or a few years. We are beginning our research and it looks like we may have more options if we can go to a hospital in Boston. We have a lot to look into and to consider and pray about.

What am I feeling? Overwhelmed. Hurt. Exhausted. Terrified. Disappointed. Those are just some of the words I can think of. Thankfully, I don't feel any anger. If there was one thing I learned from our experience with Cooper (which I learned a lot) it is that the Lord has a better plan planned for us than we have for ourselves. The hardest part is having the faith to endure and see how His plan unfolds. Of course, I do have questions: Why us? Didn't we already go through a really hard experience with our last child? Didn't we have "our turn?" How am I supposed to make it through this? How is this going to affect Cooper? What about all the money? How am I supposed to afford this? Did we handle our last experience so well that the Lord thought we could handle this? How strong does He think I am? Wasn't having a family supposed to be an easy and happy experience? Ahh, again, the list goes on and on. Those these are the emotions and things I am feeling right now, I already somewhat know the answer and that is that things happen for a reason and things always work out. You just get sick of hearing it sometimes.

Some things I know: The Lord loves me. He loves us. He knows us. He is aware of our trials and how to comfort us. I know He hears our prayers and answers them. I know that we are meant to be this little one's parents, no matter for how long it be (we're hoping it is for a really long time). I know that families are eternal and that because of that no matter what happens I will see my baby again and get to raise him. I know we have a wonderful support system of family and friends that will help us get through this challenge in our life. I hope that we can look back on it and be reminded of how strong we were and how much stronger we are because of the experience. Life is good. It truly is. How grateful we are for modern medicine, for a loving Savior, and for incredible people in our lives.

Me & Bump, Actually at 20 Weeks - One Day Before Our 20 Week Ultrasound

Serious Swing

I had the back door open and in FLEW a golf ball. It hit the wall and left a lovely dent. My kid has serious swing!

On To Better Things

It's been fun teaching with this group the past two years, but I'm looking forward to being a stay at home mommy. Antelope Elementary School.

Mr. Pouty Lips

I love watching this little man sleep. Probably a little creepy, but it is the only time he isn't moving and he just looks so sweet. I couldn't help but get a picture of his gorgeous lips.

It's a...

We found out what we are having! We knew it would be such a shock to everyone that we decided to wait a few days and tell everyone with a little party. We had some family over and had a BBQ and did scratch cards to tell everyone. We even got pictures of them with their guess. It was a lot of fun and good company. We are so excited (and shocked) to be welcoming another BOY to our family!!!

Pictures to come!

My Second Pregnancy

This pregnancy has been so much different than my last. In a lot of ways I feel like it is my first time being pregnant. I feel like I'm getting a second chance to have a "normal" pregnancy.

• For the most part, no morning sickness.
• Horrible indigestion the first two months or so.
• Very thirsty.
• Very tired.
• Craving fresh lemonade.
• Chocolate sounds absolutely disgusting! 
• Tailbone pain has recently started. I was hoping that was a last pregnancy thing, but nope.
• Recently started feeling the baby move. Oh how I love that!
• I LOVE my bump that is starting to look more like a bump and less like a belly of fat.
• My shots came that I have to start taking next week... I'm NOT excited!

Funny Memory

Chris went to kiss me in the hallway the other day and it was awkward because my belly reached him before he reached me for the kiss. It was unexpected so we enjoyed a good laugh!

Me & My Bump @ 17 Weeks 

Essence of Childhood

Cooper has loved Winnie the Pooh for some time now. He loves these characters we got him and plays with them on the mat. He knows where each lives. Hearing him say "honey pot" is adorable! Walking into his room and seeing him playing just made me think of childhood. I love having a child in our home.

Obsessed Golfer

Nothing can stop Cooper from golfing, not even his pants falling on the green. Always makes me laugh!

Hello, World 13 Weeks

Easter 2014

We enjoyed a simple, but fun Easter. Saturday was filled with easter egg hunts and time with friends and family. We loved getting to see our friends the Bennions and the Roses! Cooper got Buzz Lightyear in his Easter basket. As you can tell by him running and his face, he was SUPER excited! We then had an egg hunt at Aunt Johnnie's. We spent Sunday remembering the real meaning of Easter, the Resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

The Living Planet Aquarium

For my birthday, I wanted to go to the new Loveland Living Planet Aquarium. A lot of the animals are not there yet, so we will go back sometime over the summer. Nevertheless, we had a great time. Cooper enjoyed seeing all the animals and REALLY liked the 4D Shark Movie we saw while there. It was a fun day. We went to the aquarium, McDonald's for lunch, to Sheels to play around, and then home. Chris also got me LaFerrovia for dinner. Yum! We were all worn out by the end of the day!

 

Love

Words can't describe how much I love these two.