2015 Moments

Last year I started a file on my phone where I would type moments that I wanted to remember as they happened throughout the year. I did it again this year and it is something I love reading back over. I know I missed typing a few things, but here is what I recorded this year.

• January 3 - Keep finding football players in my bed. Little stinker! Stared at him sleeping tonight, he has grown up too fast. Where is my baby?
• January 12 - I heard Cooper in the kitchen, A minute later he comes into the living room barely able to carry two applesauce cups and two spoons. "I got two!" he said with a big smile on his face. He had got one for him and one for me. Such a sweet boy. (We have learned this is what he does when he wants something. He seems to think if he gets us one then we can't say no.)
• Eileen said Cooper calls her church the "basketball temple."
• January 15 - Cooper giggled and said, "My tummy grumbled!" Cutest thing ever!
• January 18 - One of my favorite things to do with Cooper is bake. It helps me to be patient and I love seeing him learn and have fun. We made cupcakes tonight. He came up to me by the couch, arms open and said, "Want to cuddle?" Love him! We sat on the couch and snuggled while watching Curious George.
• January 25 - A text from Mom that meant a lot to me: "It's hard, but I have seen a beautiful change in you that I don't think I would have seen if not for this situation. Like Mom (referring to my Grandma Call) said, he is a gift to you specifically (referring to Easton). You seem to have more patience and think little of yourself, others come first. Both Christ-like attributes."
• January 26 - What a day of laughs!!! I have been home for three days and four nights from the hospital due to being sick. I sure miss being with Easton, but I have loved my time with Cooper! Today: He put a towel on my head and told me I looked like Jesus. He was trying to jump rope with my bra. I put on a face mask since I'm sick and he told me I was beautiful. And the grocery store! Cooper loves cucumbers. We picked him one out and went to check out. We put all our groceries up on the belt. The guy in front of us was getting something green in a produce bag and Cooper starts FREAKING out. "He's taking my cucumber! He's taking my cucumber!" I laughed so hard! I had to show him his cucumber was fine, but you should have seen his face! He truly thought this man was taking his cucumber! I have been trying to teach him I am reading words on a page when I read him stories. Today he pointed at the words and said, "Those are words!" We wrestle tickled on the floor with a bird puppet on our hands and read books in a fort made of sheets and chairs. It was a wonderful day.
• February 3 - Cooper hasn't left Easton's side this morning. He covered him with a blanket. He said, "Want to see my footballs, Baby?" and got his football set out. He got the field out and said, "This is a football field, Baby" and "this is a touchdown," as he put up the goal posts. He put down the field and said "This is OUR football field." Melts my heart. Life is good. God is good.
• February 4 - Easton tried rolling over! First time I have seen him and he was so close. Would get to his side, but roll to his back again. So cute seeing his little legs up in the air. Cooper loves having a little brother. Smothered him in Spiderman stickers today.
• February 7 - Cooper put his own socks on! He wanted to get ice cream with Nana so he went and got his socks and shoes and just put them on like nobody's business!
• February 9 - You cut the grapes ini half and what does he do? Thinks it is cool to put two together "like a puzzle" and stuff them in his mouth. At least I tried.
• February 11 - Cooper called Easton "Bubby" while trying to share goldfish with him. So cute! Called him "Bubby" and said, "Hey! He did peekaboos to me!" and giggled.
• February 20 - I was talking to Easton swaying did you spit up and went to get a wipe and Cooper said "Nooo, I do it." So he took a wipe and attempted to wipe Easton's face.
• February 23 - Cooper just came up behind me and put his arms around my neck from behind and laid his head on my shoulder and sweetly said, "I love you" and just stayed there. Made me cry.
• One of Cooper's favorite things to say, "It's a sunny day!"
• March 4 - Cooper is sitting behind me on the couch, leaning on my back while watching Cars. All of a sudden he giggles and says, "You're home!" and keeps hugging me. 
• Cooper has been giving me "mommy kisses" lately.He attacks me and kisses me all over my face. It's what I do to him before bed. Trying to teach him his full name and he says, "No, I Cooper." Or I'll tell him he is Easton's big brother and he says, "No I Cooper, he (Easton) brother."
• April 17 - Laid my dad to rest today. I have alway shad a testimony that our spirit leaves our body when we die, but I have never known it to be more true than when I saw my dad in his casket. I KNEW he wasn't there. I could see it and I could feel it. I knew it was just his body laying there, not him. So grateful for little testimony builders. I can't wait to see him again.
• May 10 - My sweet little Cooper sang in sacrament today. Oh how adorable it was to see his smiling face and him mouthing words. He seemed so proud. He has brought so much joy to our life. I feel so blessed to be a mom. Especially to my two miracle babies. I wouldn't have it any other way.
• May 20 - Chris sat down beside me and said, "What can I do to help you because you seem in a rut lately." (((Big Sigh.))) I have a good husband. If only I knew. I was so grateful he asked though.
• May 23 - Missing mt dad. Oh there is so much I wish I could say to him.
• May 24 - Cooper finally went to a full day of sunbeams/Primary. He said his first prayer over the primary pulpit. Oh my! My baby is growing up! He was so cute. He said the majority of it by himself. We have been working for a while on him saying what he is thankful for so I just let him do it and he said families, dads, then pointed at me during the prayer and said, "and mom." It was so cute! He did such a good job. I'm so proud! Then he said the entire prayer by himself for dinner. I went to say it and he said, "No, Cooper do it."
• May 27 - Oh my! Cooper was just snuggling on the couch with me and was looking at our temple picture. He said the temple and something about Papa Todd. Where did that come from!? We haven't talked about him today and never about him and the temple. I asked if he was at the temple and he said "Yes, with Jesus!"
• June 22 - Cooper gets all excited when he sees Easton awake. He comes over to him, looks at me, and says, "I love my brother." 
• Seeing him play with his cars and pretend they are talking like on the Cards movie makes me giggle.
• July 26 - Played handbells "Come, Come Ye Saints" in sacrament today. Cooper sat on my lap and watched/listened. I asked if he felt the Spirit and was happy. He smiled and said yes. I realized it is moments like that where I will teach him to recognize the Spirit and what it feels like.
• July 27 - Easton started saying "baba." Almost 10 months old and finally saying something other than "dada." Can't wait to hear him say mama!
• July 20 - Easton said "Mama!!!!" He said "Mama!!!!!" He also went from sitting to pulling himself up to a music table toy he loves. We totally missed it. So proud of all he is doing. Also took Cooper to preschool orientation. He is growing up too fast. I laughed cause when testing him on numbers he kept saying, "golf" cause the golf flags have numbers and a square he said golf flag, and they a triangle was a golf mountain.He had me laughing! He then told her the right shapes.
• August 3 - Cooper fell out of his bed tonight. I went in and picked him up and put him back. He looked at me and went right back to sleep. I gave him a few smooches on the cheek like I do every night before I go to bed. He probably won't remember the nights I put him back in bed, but I will. I'll miss them. One day he won't let me kiss him anymore and the thought brings tears to my eyes. I love being his momma.
• September - I sometimes say to Cooper, "Do you know I love you?" Recently he has been saying, "I know I love you mom." In other words, "Do you know I love you mom?" I love him.
• Easton started crawling this past week! Ahhh!
• September 8 - From my Grandma Call to Cooper when he wrote the letter "O" all by himself, "Cooper you done good. Great Grandma is proud of you. Love you little guy."
• Sometimes I forget Easton has a heart defect. It breaks my heart when I remember and know I could lose him at any moment. It's hard.
• October 1 - Cooper said, "I have tators in my ears and boogers in my nose. So gross!"
• Today is Easton's birthday. I can't express how grateful I am to still have my little man in our life. Some days I didn't know that we would get here. That he would get here. But he did. And he is doing well. I don't know what the future brings, but I am just so grateful he is still here.
• Funniest site today! Cooper, Chris, and I all seemed to get a stomach bug in the last 24 hours. Chris and Cooper had the runs. It was a funny sight to see Chris on his big toilet reading his sports magazine and Cooper sitting by him on his little potty playing with the iPad all while I was in the shower!
• Cooper's teacher told me today at school she was teaching the kids the number one and Cooper says, "A golf flag!"He knows the number one because it looks like a golf flag. She also taught them the letter T and showed them the "timeout" sign and Cooper puts his arms up and says, "And touchdown!"
• A doctor pulled me aside during Easton's hospital stay and said she needed to show me something. One of the doctors at some point typed on Easton's chart, "Mom rocks." It meant a lot to me to hear that from a doctor. We also got to be a part of a promotional video for Primary Children's.
• December 5 - Chris was teaching today and I couldn't stop thinking how good looking he is and how blessed I am to be married to him. With all the shootings in the news lately, he asked himself "Would I say I wasn't Christian to live or risk dying? He said he hoped he would say with enough conviction that they wouldn't kill him. Like Joseph Smith when a man held a gun to him and he said "Go ahead, it isn't my time" and the guy thought someone was behind him with a gun so he put up his hands and said, "Don't shoot."
• December 7 - I love hearing Chris pray for my mom. You can tell he loves her and I know he can tell she loves him. Touches my heart every time.
• Got my first "I don't like you. I want Daddy. " today. Ouch.
• December 15 - Went in to lay with Cooper as he slept. Promised him I would figure out how to make things better for him. He has been struggling with obedience this past week. I know he is vying for attention. I also notice he can't sit still, fighting daytime naps when he is in desperate need of them. I feel as though I am failing him as his mom. I am trying so hard to fix that. I hope he knows that. I love him so much. He was my first baby. My sweet little boy.
• Out of nowhere Cooper called "his balls" his "crumbs." I was laughing so hard! Where in the world he came up with that name, I have no idea! I thought it was a funny thing to write down though. Who knows if he will continue to call them that, but it was pretty funny!
• December 20 - Today I have been thinking of Mary and how intimidating it must have been to know she would be the earthly mom of Jesus, but how Heavenly Father gave her such a choice spirit. I would like to think that there is a reason why I was given such a choice spirit. That he trusts and admires us special needs parents and sees something in us far greater than we can see that he would trust some of his best spirits with, even if for a much shorter time than we would like. I'm definitely no Mary, but I hope he saw something in me that made him believe that Easton should be with me, just as he knew His son Jesus Christ should be with Mary.
• 
  

December

December was a fun, fairly simple month. We tried our best to enjoy the holidays and not stress about doing a ton of things. Of course we had many appointments, but overall, we just enjoyed the holiday. We made a gingerbread train, attempted doing daily ornaments (25 Days of Christ) to focus on the true meaning of Christmas, read lots of Christmas stories, watched Christmas shows, and even did a "Mini Van Express." It was to be like the Polar Express, but in the van. We drove around and looked at Christmas lights while drinking hot chocolate and eating popcorn in the van. Nana came along. It was a lot of fun and definitely a new tradition. We made sugar cookies and had Aunt Katie over to help us.

We went to the annual Smith Family Christmas Party in Lehi (it was weird not having Todd there) and to Aunt Johnnie's annual Christma Eve party. We also had Cooper's Preschool Christmas Program. They sang cute songs (Cooper mostly clapped and wiggled). He got to say "I love the lights at Christmas time" and light the Christmas trees.

Christmas Day was fun, too. We had our own little Christmas at home, then we went to Grandma and Grandpa Smith's for barfushka (spelling... a German breakfast our Grandpa makes each year) and gifts, then to Chris parent's for gifts and off to his Aunt Jodean's for lunch and to speak with Elder (Daniel) Child via Skype, and ended the day at Nana's opening gifts, having a delicious dinner, and watching Christmas shows like Rudolph. I was worried it would seem like a crazy day, but it was quite relaxed. We left places when we needed to to get to the next place on time. It was fun having Easton home to enjoy Christmas with us this year.

(A couple of pictures to come.)

Baseball Players

His favorite gift he got for Christmas (along with his train table). He carried these baseball players every where we went on Christmas day.

C-o-o-p-e-r

Me: What will happen if Santa doesn't bring you a train table?
C: Huh!? I better write him a letter! (Gets paper and marker, sits down, and starts to write and says...) "C" "O" "O" "stick and a circle (has thr idea down but it came out as a d)" "ah man I don't know this one" (I help him with the e) "r" and proceeds to scribble a train with Thomas on it. Haha! Too smart!

Our First Snowman

I believe this is the first time we have done a snowman with Cooper. We built it at Nana's.

Mom 1 Easton 308676

When you have a child with feeding problems, you give him whatever he wants. He wanted Nana's Pepsi and would not drink his Pediasure... So we cleaned out a can and filled it with Pediasure. He drank it like it was exactly what he wanted. 

Brothers

I love when Cooper asks to hold Easton. Seems like he is constantly picking on Easton anymore. He doesn't realize he can't play with him like kids his age. They played and giggled together.

Stick Figures

We are practicing drawing stick figures while brother is asleep. I say not bad for his third time and no prompting. *Trying to stress less about the house lately and just enjoying my kids and being a mom.*

Merry Christmas 2015

We sent a flat card to most people. We made a more detailed card to those that like to know what's going on with the boys, but aren't on Facebook for all the updates.

Germ Freak Living Life

Due to the germy heart mom freak that I am I have never put Easton in the grocery cart. Today I went for it and his smile made it all worth it. He was smiling the whole time. Trying to help him live life a little and have a little less fear of the outcome if he gets sick. But we can still be careful... someone pass me the hand sanitizer. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was in charge of Thanksgiving this year. We held it at Chris parents. Mom got to come and enjoy it with us. We had a few mishaps, but it provided for a good laugh (and some disappointment), but it was otherwise great. It was nice to spend the day with family.

First Ambulance Ride

Easton is in the hospital again. We arrived on Monday. Sunday morning he and Cooper woke up with a cough, but Easton started to sound like croup come evening. Sunday night was awful. I took him to the pediatrician on Monday and his oxygen was reading much lower than it was at home (in the 60s) so he required a liter of oxygen to keep his SATS up. We were transported by ambulance from the pediatrician's office to Primary's since he needed oxygen to get to PCH and we returned his tanks a couple of months ago because he never used them. (He loved the ride down. Slept the whole way.) I'm hoping this isn't a sign of how awful this winter is going to be on us and hoping maybe he is going to get it out of his system early. We thought he had croup, but the only thing that came back positive was rhinovirus. They tried 4-5 times to get an IV placed with no luck so we went the feeding tube route. He isn't peeing much and is throwing up his feeds due to coughing. They are going to let us go home though with some oxygen and probably on a more continuous feed (which feels like a huge step backwards in the feeding area). We can slowly work up to normal feeds for him again. He doesn't want to each anything really and is very whiney and in a quiet way because his voice seems to be mostly gone. He just wants mommy to hold him. Grateful to be going home. Cooper is also sick and I feel back that I can't be home to take care of him, too. I called to tell him I'd be home today to take care of him and his voice perked up. He was very happy about that.

I try to document everything on our blog because I can't remember everything down the road when they ask me. Also because it is a bit therapeutic for me. And to keep people informed. So I am going to share that I really am struggling. I felt like I held it together quite well for a good portion of the year, but things are starting to wear on me. More than anything I think I'm tired, which seems to effect everything--- my mood, my ability to cope, my ability to take care of my home and family. This journey has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Some days I don't know how I'm still doing it. However, I know that it is due to wonderful friends and family. Most people don't understand. Many people no longer help like they used to (mostly friends). Our family is amazing, helping with the kids, but I'm finding I need help with the home, some time to myself (a nap would be great), and someone to talk to. I have started going to counseling in hopes of learning how to better manage my stress and to cope with this difficult, but blessed life of mine. I'm trying to do better about accepting compliments instead of putting myself down. I'm also starting to realize that maybe everyone is right when they say, "I couldn't do what you do." or "They are yours for a reason." I am starting to realize that there are many out there that couldn't do this journey (and that's ok). And even though I'm doing it, doesn't mean that it is easy or that it is expected to be. It doesn't make the disappointments go away. It doesn't make it easier. It just means I can keep going another day. I haven't given up and don't plan to. Some days I feel like I can't do it anymore, but I do. And this journey truly is a blessing, just a very difficult one to learn how to manage and to enjoy sometimes. I'm constantly running around feeling like I'm just trying to stay afloat and though I feel like I'm about the drown, I still haven't. I'm grateful for the gospel that can provide comfort as well as priesthood blessings. For hospital stays that remind me just how much I truly love my little family, especially my husband. (Gosh I miss him so much when we are apart.) For a mom that knows my struggles, who listens, who encourages, and doesn't give up on me. For a patient husband who also doesn't give up on me even though I know he doesn't quite understand my level of constant worry and stress. For friends who that talk to me, pray for our family, and do things to let us know they care. All these things are things that help us, but especially me, keep going each day. There is nothing better than knowing someone sees you as an inspiration or a strong person to help you keep going. I truly hope I can look back one day (hopefully sooner than later) and say "Boy was that a rough time, but we made it through. Life is hard, but we are thriving. Life is hard, but I am HAPPY. I am enjoying life." I'm still trying to figure it out, but I have hope that at some point we will feel a little more stable, a little more capable, a little more confident, and more satisfied with where our life is at and ok with the level of difficulty that it is.

Happy 4th Birthday, Coops!

I can't believe my little boy is FOUR! Oh my! He has grown up so much over the past year. It amazes me to think how much he has learned over the past year. I can't believe he is in school! He knows some of his letters and is working on writing his name. He has the C and the O down. His favorite color is red (like Lightning McQueen). He loves Daniel Tiger and Curious George. We always have to pray for Dusty (from Disney's planes) during EVERY prayer. He loves to dance and, of course, he is still obsessed with sports. He is a friend to everyone. No stranger danger here (we're working on that). He calls any kids "my boys" and "my girls." He loves preschool. We are still learning how to parent his four year old, boy personality! He is always moving and likes to be independent. He hates timeout and tells me, "No, don't count!" It works though! He really is a good kid who has been through a lot of the past year and he has handled things so well. Happy Birthday, Coops! Mommy and Daddy love you!

Happy Halloween

Holidays are so much more fun with kids! We had a little party at our house before trick or treating started to have family over to see the boys before we took Cooper out trick or treating. We also got to go to the ward trunk or treat this year, too. 

First Field Trip

Cooper had his first field trip to the pumpkin patch. We had a lot of fun and Daddy even took off work to come, too!

Family Night at the Pumpkin Patch

For Family Home Evening, we went to the Pumpkin Patch with Nana, Brandon, and Katelyn. Next time, remind me to bring the mosquito repellant. WOW. They were EVERYWHERE!

Blood Moon

We used the telescope Papa Todd got Nana several years ago to try to see the blood moon. We saw it when it was red, but didn't have the telescope up until after the red was gone. We had fun doing it was Cooper, but it was hard using a telescope!

Ronald McDonald Family Room

We knew we wanted to give back this year with it being Easton's first birthday. The Ronald McDonald Family Room at Primary Children's was such a blessing to us. We were able to use their computers, sleep rooms, showers, and kitchen. Some nights we made our own food in there, ate some of theirs, or ate meals provided by businesses, groups, families, etc. It's a warm, free, meal. We decided to provide taco soup and is was soooo nice to be on the other side of the counter serving others as so many had done for us (I may have cried while there). It was such a neat experience. We hope to make it a new tradition. We know how much families appreciate it.

(Picture to come off Facebook.)

First Day of Preschool

Due to Cooper's late birthday, he will have two years of preschool. He has loved the first week. He is our social butterfly. He loves making friends. He loves learning. His first day was September 1st. He is going to local, in home preschool twice a week for two hours a day. It is helpful to be able to get things done, but I miss him. When we walked into preschool the first day the first thing he said to his teacher is "My Papa Todd lives in heaven with Jesus." I don't know why he said that. I like to think that Papa Todd was there that day.

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up: Golfer
Words I Say That Are Cute: packpack (backpack), rice cream (ice cream)
(more to come when I get a moment)

And Some Blooper Photos: (to come)

The Museum of Natural Curiosity

I took the boys to The Museum of Natural Curiosity in Lehi, Utah. The place is HUGE! We could have spent the whole day there! We spent several hours and went to every section there. I climbed a huge, two story jungle gym with rope bridges with Easton in my arms to get Cooper to the airplane. They had a baby water table that was awesome! It was fun to spend some quality time with my boys. We enjoyed the adventure!

And a small update on the boys: Cooper went to meet his preschool teacher. He is so excited! He was being silly when she was asking him his shapes and stuff. Everything related to golf. I have since worked with him and if you ask him his name he will tell you "Cooper Joel Frederiksen." Sounds so cute when he says it! When she asked how old he was he said, "Old." Haha! We pulled Easton's feeding tube the other day. He wasn't drinking enough so we put it back in after two days. We need to figure that out. However, it wasn't unsuccessful. He started sucking on his sippy cup! Yay! He chugged in the middle of the night, but wasn't too interested during the day. He is also saying "mama!" He now says, "dada, baba, and mama."