Baby #2 Updates

We had another ultrasound this week. Baby's heart does not have fluid on it, which is great. He is also still developing well. Doctor wants to schedule my c-section at 37 weeks. She said most women with the type of c-section I have deliver at 36-38 weeks. They really don't want me to go into labor. Baby is a cutie! I can't wait to meet him. We have also started to put together the nursery. As scary and hard as it is for me, I know we need to do it. We need to figure out a name, but nothing has come to mind yet. Here is Baby at 22 weeks. He had his legs crossed and up over his head when we were taking a look. Little cutie!

Twenty-Two Weeks

Well, we've hit 22 weeks! I'm physically feeling good. I don't get worn out as easily, but when I push too hard, I feel it in my tailbone at night. I can't lay on my back. My appetite has picked up, which has it's pros and cons. Only because now I am gaining weight! I weigh more than I ever have so I'm having to watch that a little more closely. I've only gained about 6 pounds since being pregnant. With Cooper, I never gained. I lost 10 in the first three months and only gained back 8 by the time I had him. I only fit in two outfits now and they are getting tighter and tighter. This dress is getting shorter and shorter in the front because my belly is growing. I feel the baby moving more and more lately. I LOVE that feeling! I love that I can grow a little one inside of me, what a blessing! Chris was able to feel him kick a few days ago. I always love when he can finally feel the little one moving.

I have my ups and downs when it comes to the journey we have ahead of us with this little guy. I have done well the past two days. I am so grateful for the amount of support we have. Life is good.

Our Newest Challenge

When I started this blog, it was with the intentions of writing to Cooper to tell Cooper his story and also to keep myself sane during the experience. Little did I know that 2.5 years later I would be starting the process of sharing our second son's story, a story that is going to be even more difficult, challenging, trying, and faith building than the first.

A week ago on June 9, 2014, we had our 20 week ultrasound. We thought everything went well and then the doctor came in to tell us that our baby had a heart defect. All he told us was an "underdeveloped left ventricle." In our online research, we found there to be only one heart defect with that, hypoplastic left heart syndrome. We have since found out that it is the most rare form of heart disease, but also the worse form. We had a week to sit on it and write down some questions before going to Primary Children's Hospital yesterday, June 17th, 2014. We were still holding on to the hope that it was not what we had read, but it was verified yesterday that our second child does have hypoplastic left heart syndrome (HLHS). We have a very long journey ahead of us. We have a lot of emotions running through us. At this point, we're just hoping to make it full term so this little guy has a chance.

We have been told we could potentially have three options: 1) The most likely being a series of three surgeries over the course of 5 years and depends if his heart is healthy enough to have them done 2) a full heart transplant and 3) to bring him home and let him die at home because his heart isn't healthy enough or if we choose not to do the other two options (though I really don't think we could do this if we had the choice to do option one or two). The hardest part is not knowing if our child will live for a few weeks or a few years. We are beginning our research and it looks like we may have more options if we can go to a hospital in Boston. We have a lot to look into and to consider and pray about.

What am I feeling? Overwhelmed. Hurt. Exhausted. Terrified. Disappointed. Those are just some of the words I can think of. Thankfully, I don't feel any anger. If there was one thing I learned from our experience with Cooper (which I learned a lot) it is that the Lord has a better plan planned for us than we have for ourselves. The hardest part is having the faith to endure and see how His plan unfolds. Of course, I do have questions: Why us? Didn't we already go through a really hard experience with our last child? Didn't we have "our turn?" How am I supposed to make it through this? How is this going to affect Cooper? What about all the money? How am I supposed to afford this? Did we handle our last experience so well that the Lord thought we could handle this? How strong does He think I am? Wasn't having a family supposed to be an easy and happy experience? Ahh, again, the list goes on and on. Those these are the emotions and things I am feeling right now, I already somewhat know the answer and that is that things happen for a reason and things always work out. You just get sick of hearing it sometimes.

Some things I know: The Lord loves me. He loves us. He knows us. He is aware of our trials and how to comfort us. I know He hears our prayers and answers them. I know that we are meant to be this little one's parents, no matter for how long it be (we're hoping it is for a really long time). I know that families are eternal and that because of that no matter what happens I will see my baby again and get to raise him. I know we have a wonderful support system of family and friends that will help us get through this challenge in our life. I hope that we can look back on it and be reminded of how strong we were and how much stronger we are because of the experience. Life is good. It truly is. How grateful we are for modern medicine, for a loving Savior, and for incredible people in our lives.

Me & Bump, Actually at 20 Weeks - One Day Before Our 20 Week Ultrasound

Serious Swing

I had the back door open and in FLEW a golf ball. It hit the wall and left a lovely dent. My kid has serious swing!

On To Better Things

It's been fun teaching with this group the past two years, but I'm looking forward to being a stay at home mommy. Antelope Elementary School.

Mr. Pouty Lips

I love watching this little man sleep. Probably a little creepy, but it is the only time he isn't moving and he just looks so sweet. I couldn't help but get a picture of his gorgeous lips.

It's a...

We found out what we are having! We knew it would be such a shock to everyone that we decided to wait a few days and tell everyone with a little party. We had some family over and had a BBQ and did scratch cards to tell everyone. We even got pictures of them with their guess. It was a lot of fun and good company. We are so excited (and shocked) to be welcoming another BOY to our family!!!

Pictures to come!

My Second Pregnancy

This pregnancy has been so much different than my last. In a lot of ways I feel like it is my first time being pregnant. I feel like I'm getting a second chance to have a "normal" pregnancy.

• For the most part, no morning sickness.
• Horrible indigestion the first two months or so.
• Very thirsty.
• Very tired.
• Craving fresh lemonade.
• Chocolate sounds absolutely disgusting! 
• Tailbone pain has recently started. I was hoping that was a last pregnancy thing, but nope.
• Recently started feeling the baby move. Oh how I love that!
• I LOVE my bump that is starting to look more like a bump and less like a belly of fat.
• My shots came that I have to start taking next week... I'm NOT excited!

Funny Memory

Chris went to kiss me in the hallway the other day and it was awkward because my belly reached him before he reached me for the kiss. It was unexpected so we enjoyed a good laugh!

Me & My Bump @ 17 Weeks 

Essence of Childhood

Cooper has loved Winnie the Pooh for some time now. He loves these characters we got him and plays with them on the mat. He knows where each lives. Hearing him say "honey pot" is adorable! Walking into his room and seeing him playing just made me think of childhood. I love having a child in our home.

Obsessed Golfer

Nothing can stop Cooper from golfing, not even his pants falling on the green. Always makes me laugh!

Hello, World 13 Weeks

Easter 2014

We enjoyed a simple, but fun Easter. Saturday was filled with easter egg hunts and time with friends and family. We loved getting to see our friends the Bennions and the Roses! Cooper got Buzz Lightyear in his Easter basket. As you can tell by him running and his face, he was SUPER excited! We then had an egg hunt at Aunt Johnnie's. We spent Sunday remembering the real meaning of Easter, the Resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

The Living Planet Aquarium

For my birthday, I wanted to go to the new Loveland Living Planet Aquarium. A lot of the animals are not there yet, so we will go back sometime over the summer. Nevertheless, we had a great time. Cooper enjoyed seeing all the animals and REALLY liked the 4D Shark Movie we saw while there. It was a fun day. We went to the aquarium, McDonald's for lunch, to Sheels to play around, and then home. Chris also got me LaFerrovia for dinner. Yum! We were all worn out by the end of the day!

 

Love

Words can't describe how much I love these two.

My Little Pro Golfer

Pictures coming soon.

We're Expecting Baby #2

Thursday, February 20th, we found out we were expecting Baby #2. We couldn't be more excited! We feel like it's time to add to our little family. Wednesday night I took a test, just knowing it would be negative, and I could BARELY see the line that would make it positive. After it sat for a little while it looked negative. I couldn't get that faint line out of my mind though. So, Thursday, I stopped by Walgreens and got another pregnancy test. Stopped by the house, ran in, peed on the stick, and ran back to the car with it. Cooper was in the car because we were heading up to see Daddy for lunch. Sure enough, I'm driving and it pops up "pregnant." I couldn't stop smiling. I still can't believe it. It's crazy to think our next little one is on the way. I am scared for miscarriage and I'm scared my body won't be able to hold this little one, but I'm trying to have faith that this was meant to be and we'll see what happens. I'm more excited than anything. I want to shout it out to the world, but we're waiting until our first appointment. We feel so blessed. Cooper is going to be a big brother in October! Ahhh!

Sunday, March 2, we told my mom! She was so surprised and excited that she's "going to be a grandma again!?" We had a cute shirt made for Cooper that she went to put on him after his bath and she read it and her mouth dropped open and face froze. It was so cute and funny. Love her!

I tried my hardest to get a picture in his "Only Child Expires October 2014" tshirt, but he wasn't having it. Here is the closest I got... he was being Buzz Light Year. Kid cracks me up!

My Depression

This blog has been such a blessing in my life. I enjoy documenting what's happening with our little family and during Cooper's NICU stay, it saved me. Today I am writing something personal because it is a part of my life. I was diagnosed with depression during my Junior Year of high school. It runs in my family so I was bound to get it at some point. After having Cooper, I felt I stayed pretty positive. Everyone said I handled the situation well. I look back now, though, and realize I've been in a pretty deep depression the past two years. For me, I typically have a chemical depression. I can literally feel it in my veins when something is off. And, of course, it's occasionally emotional. I usually recognize it really well. Over the past few days, I've realized I didn't see it at all. The past two years I've become a pretty negative person. I have started to HATE things I used to love! For example: teaching, cooking, photography, crafts. I just don't enjoy it anymore. I have little to no energy. I can't keep up with the cleaning on my home. I don't know why it has taken me TWO YEARS to realize how depressed I am. It's embarassing and sad. I now realize I have a lot of work to do to get back to where I want to be. I am so glad that I have a loving mom who helped me to finally see this over the past few days. I am still in shock I missed it. Life hit me hard two years ago when Cooper came early. He is the best. I absolutely love him. I never want him to think he was the reason for my depression. He brings light into my life everyday. The situation of him being born early though was very tough. Life didn't slow down after having him. It's been non-stop with no break in between. I feel so blessed to have a husband that has stood by me. He is always kind to me despite my lack of energy and motivation. I am still in shock that I have had it this long and not realized it. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that I know is there. He loves me and is aware of my needs. I have a lot to work on to get where I need to be and I'm so grateful it is not worse than it is and that it is something I can work on by organizing my home, reading my scriptures, praying, talking with my mom, and accepting it. I have a wonderful life. I just need to enjoy it more. I have to find myself again. It's going to take some time, but I'll figure it all out. Let me make it clear that there is nothing in my life to be depressed about. Life is good, I just have depression.

My Sweet Boy

I promise he is healthy! He's just skinny like his daddy! I loved these pictures of him. He's my sweet boy.

Spaceship Building

We had to get a new hot water heater so I thought it would be fun to build Cooper a spaceship. I think he enjoyed pulling the foil OFF more than anything!

My Little Handyman

Let's be honest ladies, who wouldn't want a good looking handyman like this? He sure makes me laugh! He turned around and saw me and got all shy and giggly on me!