Short Changed

The past few days have been emotionally difficult for me on the inside. I haven't shared my feelings with anyone until tonight as your dad held me in his arms and I cried. I think I've been trying to push them away for a few days, but I couldn't any more. My whole life I have known I was sent here to be a mom. My whole life I looked forward to the day I would be pregnant. Lately, I've been thinking of my pregnancy and the whole experience we went through and I just feel short changed. Three months of something I looked forward to my whole life was taken from me. So many people say I am lucky I didn't have to deal with the issues of the last trimester, but I wanted that experience. I am sad that I didn't get to give birth to you vaginally. I'm sad that I missed out on 3 whole months of getting to experience you growing inside of me. I'm sad you wouldn't breast feed when you came home. I feel like 3 months of bonding was taken from us. I'm sad we didn't get to have newborn pictures taken. I am sad I didn't get to hold you on my chest when you were born or even remember you being born. Some days, it breaks my heart. However, I know that there is a loving Heavenly Father who for some reason felt you needed to be here early. I know he felt that I needed to miss the last three months of our pregnancy. I may never know why, but what I do know is that he knows me and he loves me, and us, and that he always takes care of us and knows what is best for us. I can't say that knowing this prevents me from wishing I still had those last three months, but it does help me to feel his love and know that everything really is okay.